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17 January 2008 @ 12:09 am
Have you ever taken something that was supposed to be "no strings", and *POOF!* .. Infatuation has set in?

... That has just happened to me :(
... And I'm like, impenetrable from doing porn for so long!
...I want to cry. :(
I'm : sadvulnerable
breakringbreakring on January 17th, 2008 10:10 am (UTC)
Congratulations, that sort of feeling can be scary in the loss of emotional reserve and control which it represents, but in the end it can be worth it.

As for being impenetrable, there is performance (whether sex based or otherwise) and there is emotion; one does not necessarily equate to the other. Indeed, I have dealt with quite a few women working in the adult performance field (porn actors and dancers) who divorce themselves enough from their emotions that it can get very lonely for them.

Good luck.
joselyn_pink: JPBODYjoselyn_pink on January 17th, 2008 01:05 pm (UTC)
I should have explained better.
I'm upset because I lost my control, but also because I can't have that person. That's more upsetting to me.

I know the feeling goes away soon enough, it's just achy now. haha

jefffiore on January 17th, 2008 01:25 pm (UTC)
I feel your pain
Frist, thank you for the friendship add.

I do feel your pain, been there with a couple of models. When you mix business with pleasure as we all have at one point or another, it's not a bad thing - it's between 2 consenting adults. The problem is when feelings get involved as what happened to you and the feelings are one-sided - letting your guard down. It happens to all of us. For me it turned out that it was just a "business transaction" to her.

Yes, I definitely feel your pain

breakringbreakring on January 17th, 2008 05:40 pm (UTC)
You should have explained as much as you wanted to explain; it is your journal.

I can yammer on about control all day long or even vulnerbility stemming from fears of a loss of control.

When it comes to unrequited love or lust, I am probably wisest to leave any pithy statements about that to Shakespeare or A.E. Housman.

Good luck on working through the feeling.
Pete: love on the blue beachmoon_shine on June 25th, 2009 03:52 am (UTC)
It is a good thing to still be able to feel,
I am not sure if I still have it in me JP, so grab for it when ever you can my Friend and Hang on as tight as you need to
((((Big Hugs))))))
blackfeather: turingblackfeatherdjr on January 17th, 2008 01:47 pm (UTC)
Yes, and it suuuuuuuucked. :(

I'm sorry, hon. (((((JP)))))
seeds_of_peace on January 17th, 2008 11:32 pm (UTC)
Heh, yeah... sucks too when you know it'll never progress beyond the infatuation stage :(
demoralyzerdemoralyzer on January 19th, 2008 06:56 am (UTC)
I think we have all been there...it fucking sucks!

It's part of life, though, to feel - and you may feel like shit but you are really alive right now.
seeds_of_peace on January 20th, 2008 05:58 am (UTC)
not on topic, but...
(Anonymous) on January 21st, 2008 09:44 pm (UTC)
awwwww girl....cheer up! your a bombshell you can rebound! and girl i had my share of relationships that were strictly supposed to be friends with benefits no feelings attatched if that is what your talking about! thats how i got my first heartbreak! keep your chin up dollface!
you creep me out, lolvictorgreywolf on January 24th, 2008 05:27 pm (UTC)
Sorry to hear that

I send you my deepest condolences.
waymerich on May 21st, 2008 07:56 pm (UTC)
God I know how that sucks!!